“Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice of God.” Ephesians 5:1-2
This past weekend our church, First Baptist Church at Weston, sponsored a marriage conference, God’s Blueprint for Marriage, led by Dr. John Street, professor at The Master’s University and Seminary, and President of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC). In one of his sessions, Dr. Street taught about God’s design for communication between a husband and wife. However, his Biblical insight is for any Christian communicating with others.
As Dr. Street pointed out, “we glean four important rules of interpersonal communication in marriage” from Ephesians 4:25-32: 1) Be honest (v. 25); 2) Keep current (v. 26-27); 3) Attack the problem – not the person (v. 29-30); and 4) Act – don’t react (v. 31-32).
When communicating, with others – especially in marriage – we must be honest. God’s Word says that as Christians, we are to speak truth with grace and love. Listen to Ephesians 4:25:
“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
We are not only to speak truth, the Greek verb in this verse indicates continuous action, meaning we are always to speak the truth. Speaking truth is an attitude of the heart. As Jesus reminded the Pharisees, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). We’re also to speak truth with the other person’s best interest in mind, as stated in Colossians 4:6: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Next, Dr. Street encouraged us to “keep current” (v. 26-27). In other words, we should deal with our anger or problems of the day as soon as possible. Failure to solve each day’s problems that day means you are:
- Guilty of sin.
- Opening the way to resentment and bitterness.
- Distorting subsequent problems.
- Endangering your physical relationship.
Then, in Ephesians 4:29-30, we read these words:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
Dr. Street reminds us that we are never to speak unwholesome words to our spouses, but only what is good for encouraging and building one another up. When a problem arises in our marriage, we are to “attack the problem – not the person.”
The last point Dr. Street made in his four points of God’s Design for Communication is “Act – don’t react.” Christians should act lovingly being “kind to one another, tender-hearted, (and) forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (v. 32). We should not react with “bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander…along with all malice” (v. 31).
Now, let me ask you – are these things easy to do? Of course not! Without a relationship with Christ and God’s love within you, it is impossible. However, with Jesus Christ all things are possible. And even as Christians, we fail miserably from time to time and we need to repent and ask God’s forgiveness. That’s the life of a Christian – repentance and faith, repentance and faith, repentance and faith. But, it all starts with a saving relationship with Christ.
Listen to what the Apostle Paul says about this new relationship in Jesus Christ our Lord:
“Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24
Good marriages and loving relationships can be built by couples who are committed to Christ and who strive to communicate with the love of Christ.
May God bless you with His grace, love, and truth!